PUBLISHED FREELANCE WORK
STRADDLING BORDERS: THE SURPRISING BOND BETWEEN BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER AND BISEXUALITY
March 04, 2023
In Angela Theresa’s essay Forming An Identity When You’re Bisexual And Borderline, she outlines how sexuality for bisexual individuals with borderline personality disorder may be more complex than for those who identify as gay or lesbian.
“You see, because borderline emotions and identities change so rapidly, people with BPD often question whether or not feelings they had for someone — or fashion they were fond of, music they listened to, movies they liked, anything period in their life, really — sprouted from genuine like or love of those people and things, or if those people and things were just phases of BPD-induced identity change. Maybe the gay was just a phase, she’ll think. Maybe the gay part of me was never real.”
The more I read into the topic, and the more stories I read from people who like me questioned their sexuality, the more I realized that I wasn’t alone in my constantly fluctuating sense of self and identity.
WHY DO SEXUALLY LIBERATED WOMEN SCARE PEOPLE SO MUCH?
February 21, 2020
I don’t know who told people that dismantling the patriarchy was meant to feel like a sweet summer breeze. When in fact it’s a tornado. It’s the smell of ashes and fire as pavilions burn down. It’s the sound of Emily Davidson’s body breaking and growing cold after she made contact with the King’s horse. You don’t get to feel comfortable while we suffer. And change will always be uncomfortable.
People like to talk about caterpillars transforming into butterflies. Yet, they neglect to mention how a caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissues in the process. Change hurts. As Gloria Steinem said, “The truth will set you free, but first it’ll piss you off.”
They say the sexual revolution is coming, but I think that is already here. And yes, oppressors should be scared. I feel powerful when people of all genders come in their hoards to try to shame me for something almost every animal does. I laugh as they call me “loose,” knowing their position is scientifically incorrect. Their anger doesn’t shake me because I’ve been angry my whole adult life.
WHEN DISCUSSING BLACK ROLE MODELS, YOU CAN’T NEGLECT MENTIONING RACE
January 27, 2020
After the passing of David Bowie, I never saw people bringing forth his history of statutory rape. He and even Elvis are still revered as icons. So, I think it is crucial that those who were silent during these passings assess why they’re so loud for this one.
In a world where Black men are seen as one dimensional and white men are seen as redeemable works in progress, it is clear why so many people have forgotten to take account his growth. It is a damn shame that Joe from You, a fictional serial killer, has been given more grace, nuance and room to grow over Kobe. His family (and all those involved) deserve better.
DEPRESSION COST ME MORE THAN $4,000 AND RUINED MY CREDIT SCORE, AND I'M NOT THE ONLY WHO'S SUFFERING
January 03, 2020
I paid my debts when I could, but I didn't keep track of the days my bills were due. I also didn't keep a record of my spending, so there were many times where I realized too late that I couldn't make a payment on time. I tried to be frugal, but I was careless; I was moved and controlled by desperation and impulse.
I'm not the only one who's experienced the financial effects of depression either. According to a 2008 study, mental illness costs the US $193.2 billion in lost earnings per year. In the UK, experts say poor mental health costs our economy up to £99 billion each year (which is huge considering the United States is about 40 times bigger than the United Kingdom).
WHY BLACK CHURCHES NEED TO START CATERING TO INTROVERTS
29 December 2019
I say this as a visitor of the congregation. Though I am on the outside looking in, as a regular churchgoer, these are invasions of my personal space I experience weekly and I know I am not alone. As a black woman, I am already expected to perform outdoors, we mustn’t make it so we must also perform at home.
Though we are making strides regarding mental health, we must remain diligent. We need to stop correlating extroverted characteristics with kindness and introversion with coldness. We realise the bedrock of many avenues were built on this belief and it is time to break the wheel.
Only by catering to all can we truly claim to be a safe space.
I DON'T WANT TO ENGAGE IN THIS ELECTION. BUT AS A GAY BLACK WOMAN I HAVE NO CHOICE
December 12, 2019
I hate talking about politics, and hate how much I talk about it. But my very existence is political and on the line.
I know I am not the only one who sees their lives being debated on TV, on radio shows and even on social media. There are millions of us waiting to see how the cards will fall, anxious to find out if life will get harder from this point on. Systemic oppression isn’t a thing people like me have the privilege to ignore.
WATCHMEN SAYS SOMETHING NEW ABOUT RACE, TRAUMA, AND THE EXPLOITATION OF BLACK BODIES ON SCREEN
December 06, 2019
It's so much more than just another superhero show.
Watchmen's first episode opened up with Tulsa's 'Black Wall Street' Massacre, a harrowing, real-life event that is rarely recognised today – and when it is, this dark chapter of history is conveniently labelled as a 'riot'. By focusing on this particular historical incident, the show digs deep to make us face the past while also setting the tone for future episodes.
LOST IN TRANSLATION? UNDERSTANDING YOUR (TRAVEL) LOVE LANGUAGE
November 12, 2019
We hadn’t set the time aside to discuss our preferences and expectations. But if I could have a do-over, these are the things I would have talked about...
In his book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’ Gary Chapman outlines five ways to experience and express love which he coined as “love languages”. They include: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch. Although these are strictly about the experience of love, I believe the concept can be configured and applied to travel partners too.
About a year ago I went to Amsterdam with a friend. But the trip was doomed to failure from the moment we touched down. It became apparent that we had very different expectations when it came to holidays. She loved tourist attractions and visiting well-known locations. Whereas I like to immerse myself into the culture — visit unknown locations, eat and drink etc.
THE EXPECTATIONS PUT ON OLDEST DAUGHTERS HARM US
November 08, 2019
Using your children as unpaid help has a name – "parentification" – and there may be long term consequences of this cultural expectation.
From research, I have found that using your children as unpaid help is an example of ‘parentification’. Parentification is a form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. A child is used by the parent to fulfil their own needs; the child’s needs become secondary.
WHEN I WANT TO GET REAL ABOUT MY FEELS, I USE GIFS
October 28, 2019
In one short clip, I can convey a lot more information than I could if I tried with just words.
Thanks to this new digital language, I’m not trying to express myself to the detriment of myself. I can open up and give the emotional intimacy necessary to maintain relationships, catering to the needs of others while also taking things slow.
GIFs settle the guilt without making me feel weird or fake, and for that, I feel lucky to have these tools at my disposal.
SHANE GILLIS, DAVE CHAPPELLE, KATHY GRIFFIN & THE MYTH THAT LIBERAL CANCEL CULTURE ENDS CAREERS OVER ONE MISTAKE
October 12, 2019
We need to stop pretending that cancel culture is this omnipotent destructive entity when in reality, unless you kick a dog, like YouTuber Brooke Houts did, anything you do (including using racist, homophobic, misogynistic and anti-Semitic speech) can and will be excused.
What we are seeing right now are a bunch of people worried that comedy is getting harder due to the fact that the days in which bigotry passed as banter are coming to an end. They are scared that their old material will no longer work and we will all see that they were never actually funny.
SHOULD WE STOP SAYING ‘MEN ARE TRASH’?
October 08, 2019
As I said earlier, we all know it’s not all men. But I wish more would see that it is possible for them to do more. I am, however, going to try to stop saying men are trash, opting instead for the wisdom of Lizzo, “Why men great ’til they gotta be great?” Because men can and should do better. Yet I can see and respect the choices of those who choose not to cease saying the phrase. After all, those individuals would require to see men rising up, addressing the need for change and their own complicity.
So I implore the men reading this to not jump to the defence of other men when hearing the statement. But instead to ask the women revealing their hurt and pain a simple question. “How can I help?”
MY FAMILY SHAMED ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
August 27, 2019
The topic of eating disorders in the Black community has been taboo for too long.
It is up to us to shed light and bring awareness to the prevalence of eating disorders in the Black community, especially when research shows the medical community is unlikely to offer help, realizing the White supremacist roots tied to all discussions of weight. We also need to be aware of the damage and disorders we pass down our families like heirlooms, opening up the discussion to include men, seeing as there is little to no data that includes them - ZORA
MY FAMILY STILL BELIEVES I’M A STRAIGHT CHRISTIAN
July 27, 2019
Hello, my name is Zuva. I am 23 years old and there are two distinct versions of me. To my friends and online community, I am an atheist, bisexual woman. But my family still thinks I am a practicing Christian heterosexual. This year would make it around five years since I initiated this deception - Human Parts
I STOPPED TAKING MY ANTIDEPRESSANTS SO I COULD ORGASM
July 26, 2019
Between 25% to 73% of people taking SSRIs experience sexual side effects and the resulting psychological fallout is serious: in fact, this past June, the European Medicines Agency officially declared that they were going to recognize Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD) as a medical condition.
A 2018 literature review called the condition “debilitating and under-recognized”, describing the chronic numbness as genital anaesthesia. In addition to a lack of desire and ability to be aroused, folks suffering from PSSD also experienced erectile and orgasmic dysfunction.
HOW MY ALL-BLACK WARDROBE HELPS ME THROUGH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
July 24, 2019
Maybe one day I will be able to safely diversify my colour palette but, right now, black is my uniform, my suit of armour, physically embodying stability - Huffington Post Personal
MOVING TO ZIMBABWE AS A QUEER CHILD OF THE DIASPORA
July 17, 2019
What happens when you don't speak the language and don't fit in with the culture?
Moving back home, I would have to give up the freedoms I felt I had in the UK. Every Sunday I would have to go to church, maintaining a facade I had discarded years ago - Black Ballad