PUBLISHED FREELANCE WORK
The Expectations Put On Oldest Daughters Harm Us
November 08, 2019
Using your children as unpaid help has a name – "parentification" – and there may be long term consequences of this cultural expectation.
From research, I have found that using your children as unpaid help is an example of ‘parentification’. Parentification is a form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. A child is used by the parent to fulfil their own needs; the child’s needs become secondary.
When I Want to Get Real About My Feels, I Use GIFs
October 28, 2019
I naturally have a hard time expressing emotions
In one short clip, I can convey a lot more information than I could if I tried with just words.
Thanks to this new digital language, I’m not trying to express myself to the detriment of myself. I can open up and give the emotional intimacy necessary to maintain relationships, catering to the needs of others while also taking things slow.
GIFs settle the guilt without making me feel weird or fake, and for that, I feel lucky to have these tools at my disposal.
MY FAMILY SHAMED ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
August 27, 2019
The topic of eating disorders in the Black community has been taboo for too long.
It is up to us to shed light and bring awareness to the prevalence of eating disorders in the Black community, especially when research shows the medical community is unlikely to offer help, realizing the White supremacist roots tied to all discussions of weight. We also need to be aware of the damage and disorders we pass down our families like heirlooms, opening up the discussion to include men, seeing as there is little to no data that includes them - ZORA
MY FAMILY STILL BELIEVES I’M A STRAIGHT CHRISTIAN
July 27, 2019
Hello, my name is Zuva. I am 23 years old and there are two distinct versions of me. To my friends and online community, I am an atheist, bisexual woman. But my family still thinks I am a practicing Christian heterosexual. This year would make it around five years since I initiated this deception - Human Parts
HOW MY ALL-BLACK WARDROBE HELPS ME THROUGH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
July 24, 2019
Maybe one day I will be able to safely diversify my colour palette but, right now, black is my uniform, my suit of armour, physically embodying stability - Huffington Post Personal
MOVING TO ZIMBABWE AS A QUEER CHILD OF THE DIASPORA
July 17, 2019
What happens when you don't speak the language and don't fit in with the culture?
Moving back home, I would have to give up the freedoms I felt I had in the UK. Every Sunday I would have to go to church, maintaining a facade I had discarded years ago - Black Ballad
Shane Gillis, Dave Chappelle, Kathy Griffin & The Myth That Liberal Cancel Culture Ends Careers Over One Mistake
October 12, 2019
Is political correctness out of control or is cancel culture just a marketing tool?
We need to stop pretending that cancel culture is this omnipotent destructive entity when in reality, unless you kick a dog, like YouTuber Brooke Houts did, anything you do (including using racist, homophobic, misogynistic and anti-Semitic speech) can and will be excused.
What we are seeing right now are a bunch of people worried that comedy is getting harder due to the fact that the days in which bigotry passed as banter are coming to an end. They are scared that their old material will no longer work and we will all see that they were never actually funny.
Lost In Translation? Understanding Your (Travel) Love Language
November 12, 2019
We hadn’t set the time aside to discuss our preferences and expectations. But if I could have a do-over, these are the things I would have talked about...
In his book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’ Gary Chapman outlines five ways to experience and express love which he coined as “love languages”. They include: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion) and physical touch. Although these are strictly about the experience of love, I believe the concept can be configured and applied to travel partners too.
About a year ago I went to Amsterdam with a friend. But the trip was doomed to failure from the moment we touched down. It became apparent that we had very different expectations when it came to holidays. She loved tourist attractions and visiting well-known locations. Whereas I like to immerse myself into the culture — visit unknown locations, eat and drink etc.
I Stopped Taking My Antidepressants So I Could Orgasm
October 09, 2019*
I thought they were a gift I had to sacrifice for my joy and I was fine, until I wasn’t
I instantly went into doomsday mode. I tried everything. From switching sexual partners to changing my vibrator batteries. I even went for the nuclear option — intense high vibrator masturbation sessions. But even that couldn’t get me a little wet. After around 30 minutes of failure, I did what all people are advised against and Googled my symptoms.
Luckily Google wasn’t too far off and correctly diagnosed my issue as a side effect of my antidepressants. It was then I decided I didn’t need orgasms. Surely the decrease of my depression was enough for life satisfaction? Orgasms were a gift I would just have to sacrifice for my joy, I thought. And I made it work.
Should We Stop Saying ‘Men Are Trash’?
October 08, 2019
By saying men are trash, we are lowering the expectations of men
As I said earlier, we all know it’s not all men. But I wish more would see that it is possible for them to do more. I am, however, going to try to stop saying men are trash, opting instead for the wisdom of Lizzo, “Why men great ’til they gotta be great?” Because men can and should do better. Yet I can see and respect the choices of those who choose not to cease saying the phrase. After all, those individuals would require to see men rising up, addressing the need for change and their own complicity.
So I implore the men reading this to not jump to the defence of other men when hearing the statement. But instead to ask the women revealing their hurt and pain a simple question. “How can I help?”
I Don't Want To Engage In This Election. But As A Gay Black Woman I Have No Choice
December 12, 2019
I hate talking about politics, and hate how much I talk about it. But my very existence is political and on the line.
I know I am not the only one who sees their lives being debated on TV, on radio shows and even on social media. There are millions of us waiting to see how the cards will fall, anxious to find out if life will get harder from this point on. Systemic oppression isn’t a thing people like me have the privilege to ignore.
Watchmen Says Something New About Race, Trauma, and the Exploitation of Black Bodies on Screen
December 06, 2019
It's so much more than just another superhero show.
Watchmen's first episode opened up with Tulsa's 'Black Wall Street' Massacre, a harrowing, real-life event that is rarely recognised today – and when it is, this dark chapter of history is conveniently labelled as a 'riot'. By focusing on this particular historical incident, the show digs deep to make us face the past while also setting the tone for future episodes.